


Guiding Light

by ShinobiShan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Bucky is an anxious asshole, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, and he doesn't like taking the bus, but secretly a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 14:30:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18075179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinobiShan/pseuds/ShinobiShan
Summary: The world apparently has it out for Bucky, but maybe the compensation for all his hardships comes in the form of a ridiculously attractive man on the bus.





	Guiding Light

**Author's Note:**

> So this story was inspired by my turbulent relationship with anxiety and the public bus system, and the first chapter may be based on fantasies I've had after standing next to too many attractive strangers during my morning commute.
> 
> As this story deals with mental health issues I am always open to comments and suggestions about where I might go wrong, so feel free to let me know anything you may be thinking.
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading!
> 
> (Story title was taken from Mumford & Sons song 'Guiding Light')

They changed the bus schedule. Why did they change the bus schedule?

Bucky stared daggers at the little white timetable mocking him mercilessly from where it was stuck to the wall of the bus shelter. Starting Monday March 11th, the buses would be running on a new timetable, and his heart raced as he checked the changed schedule for his route. His morning bus would now run at 8:00, and 8:30, changing from the previous times of 8:20 and 8:45.

“Fuck.” He muttered a little too loudly, causing a few fellow commuters to throw him a disapproving sideways glance.

He didn’t understand why they had to change the schedule. The previous schedule was perfect. He knew how the previous schedule worked. 

Leaving at 8:20 meant he could sleep in a little extra each morning, catch a bus that wasn’t overly crowded, and still get to work with fifteen minutes to spare. But now his perfect routine was going to change thanks to some stupid little piece of paper. 

Either he’d have to take the 8:00 bus, which would mean waking up at the ass-crack of dawn and packing in with all the early morning riders. Or he could risk taking the 8:30 bus, which would be undoubtably quieter, but might also mean he’d be late for work.

And he couldn’t be late for work, because he’d only just gotten this job. And his therapist had told him that it would be good to have a stable work schedule to help keep his mind from hyper fixating on things that weren’t really that important, kind of like he was doing with the bus schedule right now.

Taking the earlier bus might seem like a small sacrifice for most people, but Bucky knew that if the bus was full he wouldn’t be able to get a seat, and if he couldn’t get a seat he’d have to stand, and if he had to stand it would mean trying to balance in an aggressively moving bus with only one arm to hold on with. Then if anyone noticed he was standing they’d inevitably offer him their seat, and of course he’d be obliged to take it because he wasn’t an asshole, but it would also mean the entire bus would probably know he couldn’t handle standing on his own, and the mere thought of the entire scenario made Bucky’s stomach turn.

Of course, it was also quite possible that none of this would actually happen, and that the bus ride would be completely uneventful, but that would mean the world was a fair and just place where good things actually happened to people, and that entire notion was just too ridiculous to even imagine.

At least he’d have until tomorrow to prepare himself though, and perhaps by then every other human being in the world would have disappeared, completely voiding his need to take the bus in the first place.

*** 

He woke up the next morning and immediately threw open his curtains to determine whether his prayers had been answered, and as he gazed down at the empty sidewalk for a second he thought by some miracle they might have been.

Then Mrs Ainsworth from downstairs suddenly appeared with her ridiculously groomed Pomeranian in tow for their morning stroll, and Bucky let out a groan.

“Of course Mrs fucking Ainsworth and that little asshole would survive the apocalypse just to torment me.” Bucky glared at them from a height, remembering all the times said dog had tried to bite his ankles as they passed each other in the lobby.

He was now more annoyed than he liked to be first thing in the morning, usually reserving his irritation for after his first human interaction of the day, and he stared forlornly at the warmth of his bed, knowing now for sure that he’d have to suck it up and get the early bus.

He had about 30 minutes to get ready before he needed to leave for the bus stop, so he pulled on a reasonably presentable outfit, and spent the rest of the time drinking coffee and worrying. His favourite morning ritual.

***

7:55 found him standing at the bus shelter down the street from his apartment, and to his annoyance there were at least six more people there than usual. He didn’t really notice what they looked like, only that they would take up six more spots on the bus. 

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t actually notice when the bus arrived, and was subsequently pushed to the back of the line as people queued to get on. Once he’d finally made it inside there were obviously no seats left, and he made a beeline for one of the standing poles which would definitely provide more stability than those evil hanging straps.

He knew there was an incredibly slim chance that he’d actually fall over during the commute, especially if the bus driver drove like a normal person and not like a crazed bat out of hell, but judging from his experience with public transport, and the fact that he’d nearly eaten shit more times than he’d like to count, he didn’t exactly have much faith. 

Not to mention the fact that if he fell over in the bus he’d forever be labelled as ‘that one-armed guy who fell over in the bus’, and that would mean he could literally never leave his apartment again.

The gods apparently were not on his side this morning however, and after the third incident of particularly harsh breaking, Bucky was sure his good arm was going to be wrenched out of its socket. He gritted his teeth as they went over a speed bump way faster than was strictly necessary and couldn’t stop the little ‘oof’ that escaped his mouth as the entire bus bounced on its abused shock absorbers.

“You think this guy was an aspiring NASCAR driver in his youth?” A voice unexpectedly spoke in his left ear, and Bucky turned his head sideways to find the source.

He had clearly underestimated just how close the person next to him was though, because he was now suddenly nose to nose with the stranger, staring into a pair of impossibly blue eyes.

He immediately reeled back, knocking his head against one of those damn hanging straps, with his grip on the pole slipping in the process.

“Ow, fuck.” He cursed, almost losing his balance.

The man beside him instantly reached out a hand to steady him, and to Bucky’s surprise he placed the hand on his shoulder, instead of grabbing for his prosthetic like most people would have, and then immediately recoiling in embarrassment when they realised what they’d done.

“Those will get you every time, can’t tell you how often I’ve been smacked right in the forehead by one of those things.” The stranger gave him a concerned smile, and flicked his eyes up to the offending strap.

“Yeah.” Bucky muttered, still very aware of the man’s warm grip on him.

“I’m pretty happy about this schedule change though. I used to have to take the 7:45 bus, but now I get to sleep in a little later and still make it to work on time.” The blue-eyed stranger slowly removed his hand from Bucky’s shoulder, but didn’t lessen the proximity between them.

“Oh, um yeah, I’m in kinda the opposite situation actually. This is the earlier bus for me, so I’ve gotta get up a whole 20 minutes earlier. It’s not ideal.” Bucky was impressed he was able to make a coherent sentence this early in the morning, and to a stranger no less. 

Blue eyes let out a good-natured chuckle and smiled in his direction. “Ah well, your loss is my gain. I guess that also explains why I’ve never seen you on the bus before.”

“New job, new route.” Bucky managed to grunt out just as the bus turned a particularly sharp corner, and all the passengers were pitched sideways.

He lurched to the left, expecting another painful tug on his shoulder as he lost his footing slightly, but to his surprise he found himself cushioned against the warm, solid mass beside him.

Blue eyes didn’t even acknowledge the contact, even though Bucky knew he must have felt the hard outline of his prosthetic digging into his side, and simply remained as an anchor until Bucky was able to regain his balance.

“Oh nice, how long have you been at it?” Blue eyes spoke as if absolutely nothing had happened. 

“Huh?” Bucky pulled himself from his thoughts to focus on the stranger once more.

“The job? How long have you been doing it?” 

“Oh right, only about a month.” Bucky looked at the man with interest, wondering why he was so interested in some random guy’s life.

“Do you like it?” 

Another bump, another blow cushioned by the stranger’s steady weight.

“Yeah, it’s quiet…I deal more with books than with people.” Bucky was curious now, was he trying to distract him from the ride? Had it been that obvious that he was uncomfortable?

Blue eyes let out a little jealous huff that was definitely not adorable. “Sounds like you’re living the dream then.”

“I don’t know about that, but it beats being broke.” Bucky found himself smiling, a feeling that was a little foreign to him these days.

“Ah yes, we are all but slaves to the shackles of capitalism.” Blue eyes smiled back just as another particularly violent bump rocked them.

The bus was slowing down now, and Bucky felt the warmth at his side slowly moving away as the stranger made a slight turn to look out of the window.

“Well this is my stop. Thanks for the chat by the way, I know a lot of people don’t like talking this early in the morning, but crowded buses make me kinda anxious, so you were a welcome distraction.” The stranger gave him another ridiculously attractive grin.

Bucky just stared at him for a second, wondering how on Earth he’d ended up as the support system in this scenario.

“No problem, I’m not much of a fan either to be honest.” He returned the smile and was a little shocked at how the man’s eyes lit up with warmth.

“Well maybe I’ll see you around? I’m always in the market for a good bus buddy.” 

“Sure…” Bucky didn’t know what else to say, he had definitely not been prepared for this scenario.

“Great. Well enjoy your books!” The stranger called over his shoulder as he made his way off the bus.

Bucky watched him through the window as the bus pulled away and noticed that he was now only one stop away from where he needed to get off. The man had successfully distracted him for the entire duration of the journey, and Bucky was surprised with how smoothly he’d done it.

He spent the last few minutes wondering whether this was his cosmic compensation for having his routine disturbed, and by the time he got to his stop his mind was completely filled with images of soft smiles and warm blue eyes.

It was only a short walk from the bus stop to the small book shop he worked in, and as soon as he got through the door, he noticed that his co-worker, friend, and all-around pain his ass Natasha was sitting at the counter with her feet propped up on a chair.

“You’re here early.” She called, not even looking up from whatever obscure Russian novel she was reading.

“The bus schedule changed, I had to take an earlier one. Really messed with my routine.” He walked around the back of the counter and unceremoniously kicked the chair out from under her feet, causing the red head to pitch forward clumsily and almost drop her book in the process.

“And yet you still manage to fit being an asshole into your schedule.” Natasha sent him a glare, but he knew she was probably just impressed that he’d managed to catch her off guard at all.

“Of course.” Bucky gave her a grin as he began organising some of the wayward papers behind the counter.

“Was it okay though?” Natasha watched him with a careful eye as he stacked some new order forms. 

“Yeah it was fine.” He tried to sound casual, but he couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face at the thought of a certain fellow passenger.

She seemed to assess him for a moment, eyes narrowing in confusion before a frown wrinkled her brow.

“You look happy.” She announced in a matter-of-factly manner.

“Oh I’m sorry, am I not allowed to be?” Bucky gave her a look of feigned apology.

“No, you’re allowed. It’s just that it doesn’t really go with your whole brand.” 

Bucky shot her a glare, and immediately her face broke into a smirk.

“There see, now that’s the face I look forward to seeing every morning.”

Bucky shook his head as he brushed past her to head towards the back, knowing that there was a new shipment that needed pricing and shelving.

“You sure it was okay though? If you need to take a later bus I can cover things until you get here.” Natasha called after him.

Bucky turned back to face her, endlessly grateful for the easy, unspoken understanding between them.

“It was fine Nat, I promise. I had a bus buddy.” He gave her one last mysterious smirk before heading for the back, completely ignoring her shouts of reply behind him.

“What the fuck is a bus buddy? Sounds interesting. Get back here and tell me about your kinky bus adventures!”

**Author's Note:**

> I've really enjoyed writing this story so far, so I'd love to hear any thoughts or opinions you might have about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
